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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!

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• (916): View more from California

  I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?

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• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life

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• (585): View more from New York

  let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious

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• (475): View more from Connecticut

  Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!

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• (425): View more from Washington

  We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?

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• (716): View more from New York

  My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.

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