You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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