I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
