Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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