IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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