He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
