im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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