If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
