thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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