Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
