Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
