We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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