margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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