When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
