the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I looked at my own cervix.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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