Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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