just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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