What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
