I've blown a few things in my day
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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