Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
