Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
