Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
