Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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