Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
