i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
operation have a gay friend backfired
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize