I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize