what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
