after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
