glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
