i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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