in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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