I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
