I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
