i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
