She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
