I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
