When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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