Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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