sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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