i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
