You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize