What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
