Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
