i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
4 words: hood of his car
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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