Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
