HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
