The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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