Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
