new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
