thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
