Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
