My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
