Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
