We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
