i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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