Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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