just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
