why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
