there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize