hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
