So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
