since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
