Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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